Thursday, July 2, 2015

One-sided Love #1 -- My confessions and why I won't regret them

Anime @Itazura Na Kiss
During my final year at primary (elementary) school I had a crush on this guy who had just moved to Norway from abroad. Let's just call him Enrique. He was fresh meat and something new to look at, other than what I was used to (for the most part blond-haired, blue-eyed Norwegian boys). I remember performing a solo -- for the first time that year, which is also when I discovered I could sing -- at school for both parents and pupils. After my performance, he smiled at me! My heart got stuck in my throat and my knees felt like jelly. After that, he was all I could ever think about, and all I ever spoke about to my friends, everyday!

I guess you could say my friends felt a bit sorry for me at some point because they did the unimaginable. One day, walking home with them in my thick, over-sized parkas coat, what looked like a fisherman hat, and a pair of heavy Cherrox boots (epic fashion fail if you ask me -- but then again I was always wearing strange things unfit for the times), they somehow convinced me to look at a scrunched up note that had ended up in my coat pocket, and which I was about to throw away.
"Ooo, what's that?" One of them asked.
"Read what it says," said the other as I examined the note between my fingers, a puzzled look on my face, and sweaty palms.  I was just as curious as they were so I decided to read the note. It read something like this, "Dear CHIKA, I REALLY LIKE YOU AND I WANT TO BE WHIT YOU" - Enrique. I ignored the tiny spelling mistake and contributed it to his English probably not being too amazing considering the fact that he had lived abroad for quite sometime. Come to think of it, his spoken Norwegian wasn't all that amazing at the time either, but who cared? I was overjoyed that a guy I had a crush on "liked" me back!!
That night, after staring at the note over a thousand times, while everyone was sleeping, I couldn't do anything else but lay awake and think about how my crush had made an effort to place a note describing his feelings for me in my pocket. I was determined that I'd let him know just how I felt about him the next day, too.

During class the following day I'd completely blocked the teachers out and couldn't hear a single word of what they were saying. I was too busy pouring out my heart onto an A4 page, dreaming about what it would be like when my crush finally read my letter. I can remember the first line of what I wrote, but the rest is a total blur. It was a very long letter indeed.

«Dear Enrique, 

You don't know how long I've been waiting for you to tell me how you feel....»

As soon as I'd finished the letter, I folded it neatly, stepped out into the hallway and dropped it in his coat pocket. #Ninjastyle  (Our school had its pupils place both jackets and outerwear in the corridors outside of their classrooms -- which proved to be a bad idea in the future, but I won't get into that now).

Break-time (recess) finally came around and, nervously, I stood up from my seat and ran out of the classroom to hang out with my friends. To my surprise, when I was finally back from break-time, not only had he read the letter, but almost his entire class as well. One of his douche-bag classmates grabbed the letter and started reading it out loud while the others stood around and laughed. Their laughter still haunts me to this very day.


 I was so embarrassed and felt the walls come crashing down around me. After school was over, and almost everyone had had a fairly good laugh about my letter, my friends decided to come clean with me. They had written the note and put it in my pocket, they'd said. Well, that explains at least the spelling error, I thought to myself. I was of course angry at them, having allowed me to go through all of that ridicule for no reason at all. But, they got me to see that they'd done it so I'd experience some form of cupid-high for at least a short moment. They knew how much I'd liked him and so they thought I might be happy if I thought he liked me back (I'd been happy alright). They obviously had no idea I'd take it as far as writing him a full A4-paged letter, explaining to him how I felt.

I'm happy I have so many archives of unrequited crush stories to tell because that gives me something to pass down to my children and, obviously, something to laugh about for years to come.

Although I never thought it possible, I finally have someone who loves me for me and who doesn't make me feel apologetic about my goofy nature. He laughs heartily when I tell him my stories, too, and encourages me to write to my heart's content.  

If you liked reading this post, +1 via Google+ right underneath this post so I can write more posts about past unrequited feelings.