Thursday, April 25, 2013

Who would have thought?

I remember when love was one-.sided. I would look at you, but you would never turn to look back at me. I watched you from a distance, envying whoever got close to you, because I wanted to know you. I wanted to hold you, hug you, touch you. You were the only one, whom I still remember when closing my eyes, capable of making my breathing stop for even a slight second. I don't think you will ever understand just how much I liked you. I spent hours at a time daydreaming about you, chasing empty hopes of you one day becoming mine. The singer, Robyn helped me put my thoughts into perspective 'You never were and you never will be mine....' Who would have thought?

....Who would have thought that years of misery and watching you pick every other girl but me, would turn into luck? Pointless arguments, a cold shoulder, being told to shut up in French; I still remember it like it was yesterday, as cliché as it may sound. You made me believe I was the most annoying person on the planet. You did not like me, no matter how much I tried to win your heart. You were distant, too far away, but I always fought to just be near you, even if it meant just being in the same room, breathing the same air. I thought it would be enough, but it never was.

As time passed I grew even more greedy, I no longer just wanted to be in the same room, I wanted to sit next to you, then this grew into wanting to lean my head on your shoulder, put your arm around me, hold your hand, kiss you. Yet, not once did you feel the same. Rather than returning some kind of understanding for my feelings, you would turn away coldly. No matter how much I try to remember, I still can't remember throwing water in your face, although you insist that I did. You may have done something to deserve it though. We were young then, you often say.

There were other girls then who showed interest in you, and I always found myself unable to compete with them. In comparison I was too gangly and flat chested, and horrible victim of a bad case of puberty. My face was not a beautiful blank canvas, instead it was infested by zits/spots. They just did not know when to stay away!!  Everybody knew I liked you, but you never liked me, and perhaps they also knew that the possibility of you ever liking me was close to zero. In the meantime I was busy growing and developing on my own, and you were doing the same. I dated, and I'm guessing you did as well.  But somehow our paths kept crossing.

I would meet you on certain events, like my cousin's birthdays, New Year's eve etc.  I had to view it as fate when I wrote you a short message and you asked for my number in reply. I was more shocked than anything because I had expected for you to just write a short message back.

If our mutual friends thought it was a great shock to find out that we had started dating, imagine how I felt?  Some may view someone they like who finally likes them back as similar to winning the lottery. It's the best feeling in the world; a surge of joy exploding in the pit of your stomach, one you're unable to control.  The first time you said 'I love you', although in the least appropriate scenario, I wanted to hear it over and over. How could the guy who in the past had treated me with such cruelty all of a sudden love me? I found it hard to comprehend. But you did, and I saw it each time you looked into my eyes, in the little things you did, like kneeling to tie my shoelaces for me if they had come undone, unexpectedly wrapping your arms around me and hugging me tightly.   I find myself thankful for having a friend like you.

I may have waited 11 1/2 years for you to finally turn around and look at me, but the wait had been worth it once you finally did.

            Next month it's been a year since we started our journey together. Who would have thought?