Friday, April 12, 2013

All men are cheaters (no matter what)?

A couple of days ago I spoke to a family member who insisted that all men are  innate (by nature) cheaters, no matter what, and that I am simply too young to understand this, but that with time I will discover that this is a known fact that cannot be denied. Given the fact that this family member is several years older than myself, I thought that I could not argue so much against experience, but there must be some reason why people choose to generalise. I feel generalisation often stems from dealing with too many people who act in the same manner, but that is not to say that all people out there will act the same way. Because this conversation bothered me so much, I decided to address it. My family member went on to say that a cheating spouse was something all women would eventually have to accept.

I strongly believe that everything, apart from those things we are inherently born with, is a choice.  A blogger had written that she had been shocked after one of her male friends, who is married, stated that 100 % of all men would be cheaters if there was a chance they would never get caught. 100% is quite a lot to stake your life on, but the blogger seemed to believe this to be true to a very high extent.

Now, back to everything in life being a choice. If most people did not have a 'moral compass', we would all be thieves for example.  We would see nothing wrong with stealing from our friends, family members, partners and the likes. Perhaps we would all be murderers as well? Of course one cannot compare cheating to committing murder, but what if we could? Infidelity is certainly something that can break homes, break  relationships, break hearts and cause so much damage. Is it safe to state that 'we are what and whom we choose to be?'

Sometimes we make foolish decisions and blame it on the circumstances we found ourselves in. But the decision was ours, no matter what the circumstances may have been. We choose for ourselves, and as we choose, we must also bear the consequences.

Because I was curious about what people had said regarding this topic previously, I did a bit of research and stumbled upon a few forums where men themselves had been the majority to comment. One man in particular had said that no matter how hard things got in his marriage, he just could not get himself to be unfaithful. Another man had written that marriage is for life and that anything is made to be stuck out until the end.

I do agree with the fact that women, as well as men, can cheat, and that most do this at some point in their marriage. But if you are able to find a woman who has remained faithful throughout her entire marriage, then you are likely to find a man who has done the same. One man (who had been married for 10 years in 2010) wrote that he had never been unfaithful, and that if he did not love his wife, he would not have married her.

Admittedly, there were times when I made the opposite gender seem like animals unable to turn down anything offered to them on a platter, but I was wrong. It would not be right to treat men as dogs, unless they behave in such a manner. Men are human beings too, and despite the fact that most women would like to think that they are all the same, there are some (even if they are a minority) men who once they have made a decision, stick with it (loyalty). One thing, however, that baffles me is that some men are able to stay loyal to their immediate family members for the rest of their lives in terms of opposition (if anyone tried going against their family, they would, more often than not, side with their family members). But, on the contrary, when it comes to someone trying to wreck their marriage, they so gladly accept it (this goes for women too). Why is that?

If a man were to defend himself to women who strongly believe that nothing good can come of a man, what would they say? Should women live with the idea that all men are cheaters, or is there a possibility for this being completely untrue? Life always had a way of surprising anyway. Those who we would think are more likely to cheat, would turn out to be the opposite, and those we think are less likely to cheat are those who cheat first.  At the end of the day, no relationship is perfect, and neither is any human, but what you sow, you will also reap. It's not rocket science.