Tuesday, October 16, 2012

My world: A bed of roses...



... I beg to differ, as my idea of an ideal world is a world where I'm constantly being embarrassed, feeling heart broken and insecure about circumstances or even myself. Those circumstances often involve questions like, 'Should I have acted differently?', 'Does he love me?', 'Was it right of me to choose that course, that dress, those shoes, that situation?' Question mark, question mark, question mark!!!!

With no actual drama in my life, I must admit that life would be just a tad bit boring. I don't enjoy relationships that only have downsides though, whether it be friendships or romantic relationships. Relationships that carry only the effort of one person are no fun at all either, and neither are those where all people do is argue about unnecessary things. In life it's always healthy with a balance, but if that balance is never achieved, things often lose their thrill, and fast as well!

I'm quite conservative. I'm almost never adventurous (which is why suddenly jumping off a bridge with a rope tied to my legs, is never going to happen!!), or just going with the flow. I like knowing where things are headed so I can be prepared for either the best or the worst, which is why I hate being kept on my toes for too long (mainly because physically being kept on my toes wouldn't last for too long, as it would be too painful). I plan and map things out seriously and quite carefully in order to avoid disappointments, that way, even if they do come, I'll know that at least 'I tried'.

I'm not one who can bake a cake with ingredients stored in my heart, and the ingredients are always there so I can bake it exactly the way it's supposed to be, although you'd be surprised that, despite following ingredients, my cake never turns out the way it should (but it does taste good, and is baked with quite a lot of love and passion).

I hate being strung along, and don't like when people get a thrill out of playing head games with me.  I'm quite impatient, and can't help it. I don't like when things are going too slow, or when there's uncertainty about something which I need a quick answer to. In my head, I'm the only one who can take my time when it's needed. I hate it when people toss me to the side and make me wait for a really long time.

Spontaneous people will tell you that the best things in life are those things done spontaneously. I would argue that the best things in life are those things that started out as a single dream, or the things which were mapped out and carefully planned, even though they might not have gone exactly how one wanted them to go. In the end it is those things that you cried for, struggled for and really sweat for that you are more likely to cherish the most.

The fact that I usually plan things, except for my novels, may make me seem like a very boring person, but I'm just that person who goes into a shop knowing what I need/want, getting it and then leaving once I've purchased it. I very rarely just look around, or spend hours just wandering without a purpose. I buy things more often because I need them, and not because I want them.

The thing about me is that I may seem quite lazy at first, but once I know I HAVE to do something, I get it done.  There must always be a purpose for something, I can't just suddenly throw myself into an adventure without knowing that it bears a promise for me. People may think that once I just suddenly decide to do something, that I haven't thought about it before, but the truth is that I've spend days, probably even months or years planning it from the core.

Life is what you make it, and if you want something to happen, then you'll make it happen!