Monday, April 25, 2011

Dreamer= out of touch with the world... ???

I've always been a dreamer, ever since I could remember. As a young girl I would often create little scenes in my head to fill out the parts of my life I thought were missing, and at the time that functioned great for me because things would always work out for me in these scenes. I was the star of my show, the main character in my own story. It made life a lot easier to live and I had things to look forward to, rather than going to sleep and wishing I didn't have to wake up again, although there were times I still felt like that. 


I guess my imagination would run a bit wild to people, but it was fun having things to look forward to. To dream about wanting to marry a certain person did not make me deluded (to me at least), but instead made my life a lot more interesting (and perhaps made me a lot more peculiar in people's eyes). I had much to look forward to as dreaming about marrying a celebrity meant that I had something to "work towards". 


Whenever I liked a guy I would often play out a story in my mind and they would be the perfect character for me, but in reality they always turned out to be A*******CENSURED .  There was a point where I had created stories which had made it hard for me to tell apart imagination from reality. I would go around thinking that perhaps they would be the way I imagined them if I ever worked up the courage to talk to them, which of course never happened, or I would have IM conversations with them, but run away or ignore them in real life. 


I never looked at myself as abnormal because of the way I viewed the world, neither did I look upon myself as naive as some would like to say that I am (perhaps they just don't know me). I know perfectly well what reality is and what it isn't, and although I say a lot of weird stuff I sometimes do just to get a reaction out of people. I am like a person who screams out into an empty, stuffy, small room in hope of breaking an uncomfortable silence. 


I have never been a fan of people who go around being so serious all the time,  never daring to dream, never daring to stretch their thoughts, or think outside of the box or even in a different dimension. I used to despise people who looked upon me as a stupid person just because I thought differently from what they did, or because I reasoned in a different way than they would. 


Being able to imagine things made my life funny, made it easy to come up with stories I could read through and humour myself with whenever I was feeling down or needed a space to disappear to. My love for books came from the fact that they were able to take me out of a room even though I was sitting right there, and take me into another dimension full of adventures and interesting things I would never encounter otherwise. After reading a few books I already had a feeling of what it would be like in certain situations. 


For all those people who still view me as a weird person, I am pleased to let you know that I don't give a bird's SH** what you think, because I have come this far and I will go further. I am me and that is all I will ever be. 


I never really cared who found me interesting, boring, weird or whatever. All I was ever interested in was sharing my world with those who showed an interest for it, those who gave me a chance to prove myself to them. I am much more than what you think I am. Don't you dare underestimate anyone. 


One thing I will always do is have a lot of respect for those who don't conform to what everyone wants them to be, but rather stay true to themselves. I never had a lot of friends, but I cherished those I had, most people never understood me, but I appreciated those who did, and for those who have stuck by me until today even though they feel I space out at times, a big thank you. 


                                                               **I am a little bit of a dreamer, but just take me as I am


When my thoughts are all over the place, my blog posts usually never make sense.