Wednesday, April 13, 2011

(...)And so she grew older without even knowing

I remember so well watching a drama where one of the characters said "As you get older your reasons for laughing and smiling decrease" or at least something similar, and it really made me think. When little children are laughing, adults do not normally understand what is so funny. As a child I and my cousin would always laugh at funny things we would get up to and then get told off by her father who would call it "laughing like crazy people." Of course that would not stop us from laughing. During those times I would often wonder why my uncle was so serious all the time and why he would rather have us solving serious multiplication tables than laughing and having a good time. I did not want to become like him.

It's funny that I feel more and more bound to becoming a grown-up, being more serious and only laughing when I feel it is "appropriate", how I can no longer find joy in the things I once did or how I don't always understand it when little kids are laughing at, simply, nothing. I so easily forget that I used to be like them; young, careless and free.

I miss those days when I could talk to myself and no one would call me crazy, laugh and no one would tell me to grow up, get my clothes dirty from playing outside all day and no one would mind because- after all - I was "only a child". I do admit that, given all the circumstances, I still had to grow up pretty quickly because I was the eldest daughter in the house and because my older brother was not always around to take on the role as the oldest.

When my mother was out working long hours I would have to stay at home and take care of my siblings, and because I was still a child I was unable to control the amount of times I got into serious fist fights with them or the arguments we would have.

The situations I would constantly run away from and "wish away" were the ones which passed as quickly as they had come and I found myself longing for, wishing I hadn't grown up so fast and wanting them to come back a second time around so I could either relive them or change the things I was not too happy about.

I am "only 21" some people would say, yet I feel like a 30 year old at times. The only times I feel young is when I am speaking to and spending time with my younger sister who is 15.

I find that I do agree with the statement at the beginning of this post to some extent. If you make it a habit to be pessimistic and doll, not even trying to find a good reason to laugh, then that becomes your lifestyle and before you know it a couple more years have passed already.

What I am really trying to stress is that one should never take things for granted, never wish things away, or you'll find yourself constantly wishing away most of your life, until you are one day too old.  Do your best to cherish every laughter and to find joy in every moment.