Friday, January 28, 2011

So I guess I fell in love ..... with a "toy soldier"

It's so easy to believe in someone when they are telling you they will stick around, when they are telling you that everything will be okay and that you just have to trust them. How could they possibly know everything will be okay? How could they possibly know that all you need to do is to trust them? How are they so sure about tomorrow or what will happen then, or do they just simply have faith? Or perhaps their promises are empty words they don't even believe in? 

I never wanted to end up believing so easily when I wasn't even sure about what would happen in the end, but I found myself being so taken aback by this one person that it was hard not to believe every word, build hope from every smile and dreams from every touch. I was lost in empty promises, bound in a prison built upon imagination of what could take place. 

What does it feel like being in love by one's self? What does it feel like having feelings for a certain somebody but realizing that their feelings aren't exactly on the same level as yours? They call to tell you how much they miss you and love you and then they disappear into thin air for several months, leaving you empty and alone. However, each time they come back, you are so quick to let them back into the warmth of your heart even though you had promised yourself to give them up, to give up hoping. They become a drug you think you can't live, sleep or breathe without. 

6 months is a lot of time spent crying. My friend asked me if I could spend another 6 months crying. She's right, I can't, but although I've deleted anything which reminds me of this one person from my surroundings, the fact still remains that the person still sticks around in my memory, in my thoughts in everything I see, hear or know of. 

Listening to Keri Hilson's song I couldn't help but think that's exactly what I'd gone and done, "fallen in love" with a toy soldier, someone who could make me smile, but be the same person causing hurt and pain, someone who was my remedy but also my sickness. 

No matter how much I try deleting this person from my surroundings (i.e facebook, skype, my mobile), will I ever be capable of erasing him from my life?

Chika x x x