Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Letting go of fear and following that dream!

What use is it if one is constantly scared of the time we live in, the people we are surrounded by and the thoughts about failing each time one thinks about setting out to do something?

I can speak as a person who always used to limit myself to the level of "being comfortable" and therefore not pressing forward; I would always settle for less, because at least it was "a pass mark", at least "I'm in my comfort zone."I constantly lived by thoughts like these and never for once stopped to look at the greater picture.

I pretended not to have dreams because I knew it would be a challenge to reach my goal. Fear of fame, fear of making mistakes, fear of maths, fear of not getting along with my colleagues at work or having a B*** for a boss. All of these things gripped me and hindered me from applying for the jobs I really wanted, for actually going on X-factor even though I had received an audition letter, for applying for modelling jobs because I'd already been rejected previously and because I thought I did not have what it took.

Now I realize how much bullshit one is able to give themselves just because of fear. Thoughts like "Really?? You must be dreaming if you are actually thinking about applying for that job," constantly work at provoking you. It has to stop and it should stop!

If I am going to let myself be guided by fear I am never going to get anywhere in life. I can forget about contacts or social networks or about meeting new people or experiencing new things. If fear were a person and your rival, would you really let him/her stand in the way of your achievements, your goals? So why is it that, fear, not being human, still gets in the way of so many people's dreams?

I used to be scared of people. Literally. People would tell me to do things and I would be happy to do it as long as it did not involve me having to talk to anyone or make friends. I was scared that others would regard me as odd and this affected my speech whenever I was surrounded by people. I would say stupid things because I wanted them to like me, accept me, acknowledge me. But really, who was I kidding? All those times I hid who I actually was they could have liked me for me or fucked off!!!

I don't need people's approval for me to be me. Quite frankly I give two shits whether people like me or accept me or not. I'm so done with seeking the approval of people and taking my eyes off my prize, my goal, my dreams, my ambitions. I'm sick and tired of letting fear, human being or not, stand in the way of my aspirations. I'm so done with worrying about tomorrow and whether I am going to make it or not, my colour and whether people will hire me or not based on that fact.

I'm tired of worrying about whether or not I will end up on the streets because I did not do well on my course and did not graduate. I won't let that get in the way of where I'm headed.

I finished my CV and I will apply for those jobs I used to fear applying to. I don't care if I am surrounded by a sea of numbers, every obstacle must become a passage way, a bridge for me to cross over. I am in need of getting to the other side, and if obstacles are the only way to get there then so be it. What ever will be will be!

What are you mostly afraid of? People, new places, new opportunities, new jobs, moving?

Wouldn't you like to look back and be happy that you actually grabbed the opportunity once it came knocking on your door, that you stomped on fear when it was trying to prevent you from achieving your dream? I want to look back and know I didn't let something as insignificant as fear guide my thoughts so I could lose my dream.  Fear has done enough damage as it is!

You realize that you're not truly alive until fear is no longer to be found in your life, so......

.....I'm letting go of fear and following that dream! And you know what?? So should you!

Chika x x x x