Saturday, January 22, 2011

Just gonna stand there and watch it pass...that's alright, don't want a husband who's an ass!

I used to want a lasting relationship, happy home and a beautiful family, but right now, all that seems like a vague dream. People used to tell me to wake up when I was dreaming, and apparently I need to wake up from that dream. With the help of experiences and society I was slowly moulded into a cynic; one who would prioritize myself in front of a husband, a family.

Of course a lot of people might see this as a selfish act, but society is slowly changing and the need for people to get married just to show off has declined. Expensive dresses, expensive weddings, a beautiful bride etc, it's not as important anymore, and if it ever was, it was mostly because of the wedding scenario and people not being warned about the trap of marriage. Even a relationship, in my opinion, is a form of a trap.

In the real world we get hooked on jerks who later on decide they want someone "younger", someone more "beautiful", or just the freedom to see whoever they want without being tied down. They are the selfish ones, because whilst they have wasted time being in a relationship they would get bored of in the first place, they could have just saved time by telling you they did not want it anymore.

While they happily prance off with some other chick, you are left to pick up the pieces you worked so hard for.

Guys can seem so eager to begin with. First they "admire" you, then they "love you", then they want to marry you and then they leave you.

I'm yet to see a relationship where people aren't just staying together because they have been together for so many years, so "that's the right thing to do", or a relationship where the woman leaves the man for a younger man, in favour of "seeing other people".

Quite frankly, each time it's the man leaving the woman I get so frustrated I could die!!! It seems men have it so easy. Their "thing" is just there so virginity might not be as precious to them as it is to most girls; they can get a girl pregnant and not give a damn shit about her or the baby/babies, they can leave and not "regret" it.

I never want to reach a stage where I'm just holding unto marriage simply because "it's the right thing to do", or because "we've worked so hard, we just have to keep going". Love is love, right? Or do I have a totally different perception? Or perhaps I have misunderstood what it's all about?

I don't blame the thousands of other cynics in the world, because once you are happy, that's bound to come to an end as nothing ever lasts forever, right? What's the point in wasting precious time if the other person is not serious. Yeah, you might love me or admire me so much today, but there's always tomorrow. Don't promise me forever if you can't even promise me tomorrow, that's dragging it at bit far isn't it?

Guys who are overly excited about a girl makes me sick as well, because they might feed you with all sorts of bullshit and leave you the next day. *Puke*

Remember, these are only my opinions, which means it doesn't mean I'm right and neither am I trying to discourage people from meeting "The One" or getting married. I am just saying, that as for me, there are really no high hopes about meeting "Mr. Right" or starting a "successful" marriage. I'm not in a hurry about any of these things, and knowing your husband well enough to marry him doesn't mean things won't change.  People constantly change and so do situations. What might have been perfect the day before, might not be so perfect the following day.

As a woman I would rather take time to know myself, to have time for myself and to experience life in the real world, rather than having to tend to another person who might not even appreciate my efforts to begin with. It's so easy taking things for granted, and this goes for both guys and women (girls).

Someone is willing to throw away their life for you and instead of doing the same, even though you're in the same relationship and no one really forced you into it, you only play about until you get bored and decide you want a "new toy"something new to play with.

I used to get sick when I saw guys looking at girls like they were a piece of meat or something they could eat. I hate that. There is no passion there and they would be more satisfied sleeping with the girl rather than pleasing her.

One might call all of the things I've listed above as fear, but I really could not care less about relationships, and right now I don't see myself as girlfriend/wife material for any guy and I don't see anyone as  boyfriend/husband material at the moment.

I really just want to focus on doing well on my course and then fuck off travel to another continent!  Hopefully that'll happen soon. There really aren't enough people out there who want a life time with ONE person, instead they want nothing at all, or at least nothing serious. I can't handle that.

I'd rather be alone than settle for anything less than Love.

Chika x x x