Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Something is missing

As a person it was so hard to accept change. I never liked it and it was the worst thing that would ever happen in my life. Having to face change and the idea of its existence was unbearable, but then who doesn't go through it?

The transition from home to primary school, from primary to secondary, secondary to college etc. I hated all of them at first. I would get so comfortable in a certain area and then all of a sudden I would have to move. 

Even though sometimes those transitions brought huge pains or regrets, they also taught me a lot, made me friends and also made me who I am today. 

Without the changes in my life I would have stayed in one place, never knowing there are so many wonderful people out there. I would have never met so many wonderful people or enjoyed a whole different world from what I was used to. 

Of course I faced great challenges, especially the past year.

Two of my friends having babies, my boyfriend moving back to Korea, my best friend not coming back to England with me. They were sudden and too much for me to handle at first. I slipped into a mode of depression and dwelt there for quite sometime, building a wall which no one could overthrow. 

Sometimes I would wonder why these things were happening to me as I just wanted to be happy. Why was it that when I had found someone who made me feel happy and who made me laugh, he had to leave? So much so that I would be angry at the fact that we had ever met. 

We did speak a lot and at some point he asked whether or not it was a total mistake for him to ask for my number the day we first met. Of course not. It was one of the best things which happened that day. I would go back and do it a thousand times over. It was amazing being on cloud nine for a little part of my life, experiencing the butterflies in my stomach, the sweaty palms, the racing heart, just everything. 

I remember crying on the phone to my best friend when I realized she wasn't coming back. I had thought she was playing a prank on me at first. I'd thought about how I would survive without her seeing as we were used to doing everything together. I'd lost so much in the space of one summer and it killed me, to the point where I had no more feelings and was put on standby, only existing but not living. 

After a while of not knowing what to do, moving into a house I thought I hated to begin with and would probably die in if I stayed, I started to appreciate the little things with understanding of the fact that I had to move on. Even though I am content with how my life is now, I have learnt not to get too comfortable as things will change yet again. 

Sometimes I still feel like something is missing.

Change is often for a good cause even though it is highly hated by most and its good sides can't be seen. Learn to cherish things before they change again. 

Chika x x x