Thursday, December 9, 2010

Bloodshot eyes and sleepless nights

I'm starting to think there's something seriously wrong with me.... So many nights in a row I just haven't been able to go to bed early. My sleeping patterns are completely distorted and I sit up hours on end doing useless things. Then I find out that I've wasted about another pair of 24 hours. How sad. :(

When I do go to bed my head is just so full of noise. And by noise I'm not talking about madness, but simply about thinking too much. Whenever I have an assignment for example, I just can't get my mind to shut UP. It always recites things I've written or spoken about,  "Like hello... I think I remember very well what I wrote on that assignment. I don't need to be reminded." 

Sometimes I'm forced to wake up during the night to make changes to my assignments if my brain is not happy about them. It's like we're leading two separate lives,my brain having the upper hand. At times it's really annoying as all I really want to do is sleep. 

My brain seriously has conversations on its own, going through conversations from the past, planning what I should eat, what to wear, how to approach an assignment, how to reference. Like I really need that.

I am glad to have my brain as a companion, but other times I wish it would just be quiet for a few moments and not think so much. Well, thinking is better than not thinking at all I guess, but I am pretty much in love with silence, so silence once or twice in my lifetime wouldn't be too bad. 

I have actually obtained that place in my life once. It was so peaceful. Not one single thought darting here and there. I don't remember being happier, and then my brain started up again.... Arggh.. 

Chika x x x