Thursday, November 18, 2010

Murder!! You were the cause of their deaths!

Bullying is something I hate more than anything else in the world, and it actually bothers me when it starts at a young age. You have people who just automatically become a target without having asked for it. It's not like they woke up one day and thought "hey, I'm going to be weird in the eyes of my peers so they can bully me!"

It's not even just bullying at that, it's being left out as well; having people exclude you because you don't match their expectations of personality or dress code or perhaps even colour or race.

I can speak from the point of view because I know exactly how it feels to be left out for no apparent reason, to be called names on account of my skin colour when I was not the one who chose it, and to be laughed at for wearing different clothes than the rest.

I remember so well in primary school, I developed hatred against those who would leave me out, and when I acted on it (such as putting a particular girl's hat under water although it was icy cold outside) I was the one who got in trouble, although "they" would gang up against me. Sometimes it wouldn't just be my class, but several classes calling me names and making me feel inferior, although I was pretty much a power child during primary.

After a while I stopped feeling a need to fit in because I was quite used to being left out. It was a part of me not to be a part of the it-crowd. Because there were those girls in my class who ruled the whole of my year at the time and I had nothing in common with them. Gossip Girl bithces.

I can never forget the things which hurt me, although I can let them go. Like for example the time when my class went on a school trip and all the "cool people" locked themselves in a room and we weren't allowed to enter. When I write we, I mean the rest of the "outcasts".  Or perhaps when a few members of the class had gone on a school trip as part of being class representatives and I was talking to one of them and she went "Ah. I feel like throwing up, and if you don't shut up I'll throw up on you."

"Freak", "Nigger", "Nigger lips", I've heard all those words and they don't pierce me anymore, in fact they made me ten thousand times stronger, and I'm so greatful I never fitted in and that I wore hand-me-downs when everyone was getting the coolest jackets and jeans, because it made me appreciate being an individual. Now I have even more to write about because of it. :P

But it used to hurt me so much when other people were being left out. I was quite okay with being left out, but when I saw others being treated the way I had been treated it really hurt deep down. I hated seeing people on their own because others had decided to label them as "freaks". Especially in secondary school when one of my friends was spat at because she was  a "goth", or at least on the verge of becoming one. She eventually went all in a couple of years later.

Nobody knew how fun she was to be around, and even the teachers started turning against her. A point came where she could not be saved. She had started self-harming, hanging out with trouble makers, skipping classes and hearing voices in her head. (She said it was her twin brother who died when they were both babies, telling her to kill herself)

Another one of my friends, in my first year of university was called a "fat-cow" just because her friends had accidentally eaten some of our flatmate's food. You have no idea how it affected her later on. She had already been concious of her weight and the comment had only made it worse.

If there's one thing my mother always tells me it's that "prevention is much better than cure." Don't ask yourselves why most people go around murdering others (although I do not approve at all!!!) or why they self-harm or why they develop eating disorders. Sometimes you might be the cause.

There might have been something you said, even when you weren't thinking. A nasty comment, perhaps about something they are really self-concious about. You use it against them and then ask why they become rebels, emos, suicidal, self-harmers. If you think about it, that's not all them, sometimes it's you as well.

Before you decide to leave someone out, think carefully. Tables might turn and you might be the one coming to their office to get help in the near future. You might get into a sticky situation and they might be the ones to help you. Be so careful about what you say to people, that might just be the very last drop which makes them decide to end their life that day.

You can save someone's day or be the cause of their death.

Remember.  Prevention is much better than cure.

Chika x x